I used to go on holiday and find a computer.

Not because I had to. Not because anyone was chasing me. But because not working — not being available, not staying on top of things — felt worse than working.

You know that feeling when you just want your head to be quiet?

Not calm, not peaceful — just quiet. When you're so exhausted by your own thoughts that you'd do almost anything to make them stop.

It's a soul-deep exhaustion.

You're trying hard — really hard — but you can't see the end of it. You can't see the point where the work stops and you finally get to rest and recover.

Imposter syndrome doesn't respond to evidence — which is why telling yourself you're good enough rarely works for long. It isn't a thinking problem. It's a pattern, and it has a history.

There's often one person others rely on without thinking twice. The one who holds things together, doesn't make a fuss, and just… manages. On the outside it can look like strength. From the inside, it can feel like something else entirely.

It doesn't always look like struggle.

Often, it looks like coping. Like getting on with things. Like being the one others rely on.

And quietly, not asking for help.